We all know the 16 people/machines/entities who we are making holiday treats for this Dawning season. A full half (or 8 of them) are right here in our beloved tower 2.0. But did any of you stop to consider the other 20 or so persons who were LEFT OFF THE LIST! For Santa’s sake people. Where is your compassion? They will get no treats. There are no recipes for Eva’s oven for them. NO! Is it because they are on the naughty list? Is there a force in the universe reaching out to smite and condemn them? I honestly have no idea, but what I do have are the recently discovered Secret Recipes for these poor unfortunate souls. They are not all traditional holiday treats but you have to learn to work with what the Galaxy gives you. So here goes;
First, I think some basic explanation is in order. So you can all follow these recipes without mucking them up much. If you try and mix ingredients that don’t go together here you have to spend 7 minutes in a closet with Spider. And let me tell you that guy is ALL HANDS… plus 4 legs.
With the accompanying chart you will note there are the following categories:
- The Recipe - DUH
- Who loves it / Where are they
- The MAIN Ingredient
- The COMMON Ingredient
- How to acquire COMMON
- The RARE Ingredient
- How to acquire RARE
Now not all these are gonna make a lot of sense. And that’s okay I am on my 5th eggnog and I am feelin no pain my friends. NO PAIN! I am not going to go into detail on all the recipes. You’ve got the chart below, figure it out for yourself. Come on, you're a warrior raised from the dead against your will to fight endlessly for a large machine ball who basically made you a zombie. So you got this. There are a few choice delights that I feel I must elaborate on for your enlightenment as well as entertainment.
I think we may have really screwed the pooch by not offering our newest tower resident ADA-1 some treats. So I pulled out the barbecue and grilled her up some Charbroiled Black Heart Burgers. The first and Main Ingredient for all these recipes starts with the “Essense of Shunning” That’s right, let’s call it what it is. These people were left out and the food has got to represent. Next, the Common ingredient is “Hatred of all Guardians” which can be acquired from being “Locked alone in the basement” for a few decades. To really make these dark meat burgers sing though you will need “120 proof whiskey.” And to find this you will have to discover the last and final “Cayde 6’s stash”. When you whip this all together you have a burger of death that ADA-1 is going to eat up.
I also think not giving our beloved Postmaster holiday treats is short-sighted. Kadi is so sweet. So I decided to combine some “Ticking Engram Packages” found in “Tower Terror Plots” and they added some “Missing Items” which can be found in the “Full Postmaster Heaven” When we mix them all up and bake in the oven we get a steaming batch of “Hakke Hot Pockets.” Just what every dedicated postmaster needs to make it through another 6 week work shift.
And of course how could we overlook Tess Everis? If we can round up some “Overcharging for Swag” which can be found “Behind the Paywall” of course. Then whisk it together with “Stabbing out my eardrums” found while “Hearing the name Fenchurch ever again!” Once these babies come smokin hot from the oven you’ll find you have made her a batch of “Last Year’s Cookies”
I was most surprised that we could not give to our ever trusted companion. Ghost. So I pulled out all the stops and made a VERY special treat. Starting with a cup of “Guardians seen not heard” easily found in Bungie's “Over Scripting” only to be complemented by “New Skins for the taking” on sale at “Funko” laboratories. When I put these ingredients together a gourmet “Eating your words Tar Tar” was produced. Bon appetit Ghost! Don’t talk with your mouth full.
So guardians you get the idea. I have included 22 of those I could remember. I am sure there are many I may have forgotten. But as I said at the start I’m on my 7th eggnog. And feeling absolutely nothing. I wonder if this is what it’s like in the void… Maybe another eggnog will hold the answers.
Until next time guardians I will be happily drinking through the dawning. Now where did I put those sparrow keys… GHOST?!!!
p.s. I may have said some things in the chart below about Osiris p.p.s. What the hell, he can deal with it. Happy Dawning everyone!